Couples Counseling
Initializing couples counseling is challenging and daunting. The process can be rewarding though. Two people who know each other intimately, in the room talking to each other like never before. Imagine expressing the things to your partner that you have always wanted to say but worried how it would come across. Imagine hearing things about your partner that you never knew. Sometimes couples counseling is used to polish up on communication. Sometimes we disagree on finances or sex, sometimes it's future goals and values. Occasionally, couples come to counseling to part ways. These are just some of the most common reasons couples come to therapy.
With work and family schedules, it is hard to find a time for both busy partners to attend sessions consistently, however therapy is a commitment and your consistent attendance is required for it to make a difference.
Usually the counseling starts with exploring why a couple has come to therapy. Resistance is natural and I am good at getting reluctant partners to open up. I will ask lots of questions and will delineate themes and areas to discuss further. Much of our behavior in a relationship is modeled for us by other pre-existing relationships, primarily the people who raised us and our siblings, if any. This realization helps clients understand patterns which are helpful and some that are coping techniques that may not be so helpful. When we compare these patterns to our partners own patterns, we learn about what I call a "needs or values clash". Many times this is the source of conflict and the couple works to prioritize each others needs rather than just their own.
Infidelity: People also come to counseling when infidelity occurs in a relationship. Infidelity is one of the most devastating things that can happen to us in our lives. I have dealt with many types of situations involving infidelity including emotional and physical infidelity, internet pornography addiction, complex paraphilias, sex drive differences and the discovery of one time affairs or long term extra-marital relationships
Premarital Counseling: Occasionally, couples like to come to therapy pre marriage to see about ongoing issues before they take the next step. This is something I encourage because as we gel in our relationships and roles, it can become more difficult to express your truest needs. There may be some minor adjustments that need to be made or issues to communicate, all of which is perfect content for therapy. I find that very young couples with no immediate plans for marriage will come to counseling to work on issues. Again, therapy is a wonderful way to confront any issues and head them off before they start.